Well then. I guess I couldn’t have been more wrong about predicting that the show would drop the “Jon gets turned into Swiss Cheese” development. Sorry to get your hopes up everyone. Anyway, final power rankings.
He’s back as his own thing on the Power Rankings! Indeed, Tyrion Lannister is the only main character who finds himself in a better position at the end of Season 5 than at the end of Season 4. Bravo – now to try and fix the unholy mess that is Meereen.
Unstoppable army of the dead, check. Short sighted idiots guarding the Wall, check. Winter, check. Chaos in the Seven Kingdoms, check. Now to do something about that big ice wall separating them from destroying mankind.
I don’t remember the last time House Stark was ranked in the top five. Between Arya’s brutal dispatching of Trant, Sansa’s escape, and the downfall of almost everyone else (coupled with the fact that Jon Snow counts under the Night’s Watch for Power Rankings purposes), it was a good week for the direwolves.
How is House Bolton ranked below House Stark when they still hold Winterfell and have made short work of Stannis? Well first they lost their claim to holding Winterfell. Second, Littlefinger is still on his way apparently.
Speaking of which, letting valuable hostages go is not a good strategy in the Seven Kingdoms. This is especially true when said hostages have a necromancer at their disposal.
Myrcella’s unexpected death aside, Cersei is back in the Red Keep with a horrendous monster at her command. And, despite everything that’s happened this season, they still hold the Iron Throne.
I know what you’re thinking, Daenerys still has a dragon. An exhausted, possibly wounded dragon. And she is surrounded by hundreds of Dothraki who are sworn to send her to the Mother of the Mountains to live out her days as a widow. It’s not a good spot to end the season.
Doran still holds undisputed rule over a large swath of land. Unfortunately his plan to keep it that way just turned to crap. He’s going to have to take out all four of the Sand Snakes unless there’s something more to what happened last night.
Theon Greyjoy is on the road to redemption. For that (and certain casting rumors for next season), the Ironborn make the Power Rankings for the first time all season.
If Jon Snow somehow returns after last night, we’ll have to come up with a new sigil for him (and Sam too). For now, his watch is ended, and these guys are more screwed than they can possibly imagine.
Also receiving votes: House Baratheon (apparently no more), House Tully, House Frey, House Tyrell, the Meereenese, the Dothraki, riding a dragon backwards, Ser Pounce, Mace Tyrell’s one-man show, endless think pieces about Cersei’s walk of shame, endless think pieces next season, next season, and George R.R. Martin sticking to his goal and finishing “The Winds of Winter” (he types with one finger everyone).
(c) 2015 D.G. McCabe