By D.G. McCabe
We’re moving faster and faster towards the end of A Storm of Swords (with a sprinkling here and there from books 4 and 5). Exciting times await us. Here are the power rankings from the last stage setting episode before three weeks of awesomeness in June:
1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #3)
It’s good to be the queen.
2. House Baelish (Last Week – #4)
It is not, however, so good to be Lyssa Arryn. Littlefinger now controls: 1) the only Stark anyone knows about; 2) the last Arryn; and, 3) an impenetrable fortress. All he needs to do now is get away with murder…again.
3. House Martell (Last Week – #7)
Pick your line for Oberyn next week. Like in A Princess Bride: “My name is Oberyn Martell, you killed my sister and both of her children. Prepare to die.” Or, like in Gladiator: “I am Prince Oberyn of House Martell, the Red Viper of Dorne, brother to a murdered sister, uncle to a murdered niece and nephew, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
4. House Lannister (Last Week – #2)
This deal is getting worse all the time for Lord Tywin. Still, it’s looking far worse for Jaime and Tyrion.
5. The Free People (Last Week – NR)
Huge army bearing down on one side of the wall – check. Small army coming secretly from the south – check. Pompous fools in charge of the Night’s Watch – check. Winter is coming for someone.
6. House Baratheon (Last Week – #5)
We’re finally going somewhere! Or wait, Melisandre is coming with us? Can we stay here?
7. House Stark (Last Week – #9)
If Arya Stark points her sword at you and asks for your name, you probably want to turn around and run like hell before answering. Just sayin’.
8. House Tyrell (Last Week – #6)
No word from the Reach this week. The Tyrells have this ability to stay on the outskirts of the drama, which is admirable, but doesn’t help their rankings.
9. The Meereenese (Last Week – NR)
We see now that Hizdahr zo Loaraq is worming his way into Daenerys good graces. Plus there’s the whole issue of revenge killings. These guys have been punching bags for the Mother of Dragons so far, but things change quickly in the Game of Thrones.
10. The Night’s Watch (Last Week – NR)
No we won’t close our gate. Now chain up your dog and go walk the top of the wall. Because we clearly know what we’re doing. Absolutely.
Also receiving votes: House Bolton, House Greyjoy, House Frey, House Tully, House Arryn, The Braavosi, The Yunkai’i, Hot Pie, Gravy, Lollys Stokeworth, the Brotherhood without Banners, and the god of bathtime.
(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe