By. D.G. McCabe
We all remember fondly the time when, as a swaddling babe, an ice monster took us to his stone circle and touched us on the forehead, forever inducting us into the order of ice zombies known as the White Walkers or the Others. No? Well neither do A Song of Ice and Fire book readers. Anyway, power rankings:
1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)
Breaker of chains indeed! Fire and Blood too, although this time without the “fire” part. The only question I have is where she got the huge dragon banner?
2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #4)
And so non-book readers learn about the conspiracy that lead to the untimely death of everyone’s least favorite king since Louis XVI. Meanwhile, Lady Margaery is trying to win Tommen’s admiration by breaking into his room in the middle of the night. Sir Pounce approves!
3. House Baelish (Last Week – #2)
Littlefinger (da na na), he’s the man with the creepy touch – a slimy touch. Such a cold finger (da na na), beckons you into his web of sin – but don’t go in. But if you have no choice to go in, at least listen to what he says, Ms. Stark – you could actually learn something about the sick and twisted world you live in.
4. House Lannister (Last Week – #3)
Though still sitting the Iron Throne, things are becoming problematic for House Lannister. The rifts between them are getting wider every day. That’s not even counting Tyrion’s upcoming kangaroo court show trial.
5. House Martell (Last Week – #5)
Nothing doing for the Dornish this week. This means no movement up or down.
6. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #6)
Nor for House Greyjoy. Although we have to get something going with the Iron Born this season, since a lot of the non-book readers have probably forgotten about them by now.
7. The Free People (Last Week – #8)
The Wildlings have the upper hand this week. The Night’s Watch looks pretty screwed at this point, especially since now they have to take care of a little side mission before all hell breaks loose.
8. The Others (Last Week – Not Ranked)
Mindless ice zombies? Not so much – they apparently have complex rituals and social structure. The people of Westeros should really get on doing something about these guys.
9. House Bolton (Last Week – Not Ranked)
I didn’t forget about the Rooster – who now has an inside man north of the wall and an army marching south. A Ramsey free week is always a good thing for viewers too, he’s too much of a psycho to deal with week to week.
10 House Stark (Last Week – #10)
When will things actually get better for these guys? Yikes.
Also receiving votes: The Night’s Watch, House Baratheon, House Tully, House Arryn, The Yunkai’i, The Meereenese, Whatever we’re calling those maniacs at Craster’s, Sir Pounce, Golden Hands, simmering hatred, the wine merchants of Westeros who nurse that simmering hatred, and significant changes from your source material.
(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe