This week was a bit of a setup episode. As someone who’s about 1/3 of the way through “A Feast for Crows,” I know that it will work a lot better when viewing the season as a whole. That being said, here are the Power Rankings:
1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #2)
Translation: “Oh hi, how are you? Do you like my horrible beasts? No? You’ll like them even less when they’re burning you and your slavedriving scumbag friends to ash. Now here’s your option – free your slaves or die a horrible, fiery death. Oh, and thanks for the free gold.”
2. House Lannister (Last Week – #1)
That, Cersei, is how you deal with a spoiled, crazy little brat. Also, “I immediately regret this decision. These bears are massive. They looked a lot smaller from up there!”
3. The Free People (Last Week – #5)
Mance’s crew moves up this week by virtue of the fact that they’re literally the only group to have made positive progress towards any particular goal. Sure, Jon is probably right when he says that they’re ultimately doomed, but it’s friggin’ Westeros. If you don’t think by now that everyone is ultimately doomed, you haven’t been paying attention.
4. House Tyrell (Last Week – #3)
Margaery Tyrell likes to think she’s playing the long game. Sure Joff is a horrible monster, but she will make sure that their kid is not. Just keep telling yourself that.
5. House Start (Last Week – #4)
Arya really needs to stop running away from people. It just doesn’t seem to make things any better for her. And yes, Sansa, you are a stupid little girl. Also, Robb, um, maybe you should focus on winning the bloody war before you worry about continuing your line.
6. House Baratheon (Last Week – NR)
Gendry learns who his father is. Sure he learns it from a crazy witch who probably wants to set him on fire, but at least he got some closure dammit!
7. House Frey (Last Week – NR)
The river troll has pretty much caused all the action on the show to screech to a halt while pawning off another of his disgusting children for marriage. Even Roose Bolton is heading to the Twins, and we know what a party animal he seems to be.
8. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #7)
The Theon stuff needs to end. More focus, please, on the fact that these pirates control a ton of territory. After all, George R.R. Martin seems to like these losers a lot more than any of his fans do, and he wrote this episode.
Also receiving votes: House Tully, the Night’s Watch, House Bolton, the Yunkai, House Martell (because why not), and Bart the Bear.
(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe