Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 1 – House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

Inspired by meaningless sports power rankings, here is a similar weekly Game of Thrones feature:

1. House Lannister

King’s Landing is still in one piece, Joff the Bastard is still on the Iron Throne, and Tywin Lannister is in charge.  Tyrion, meanwhile, is back where he belongs – climbing the ladder.  Even the war looks good for the Lannisters for the first time, with the Baratheons defeated at Blackwater and, for the time being, and Tyrells on their side.  With no appearance from the still captive Kingslayer this week, these guys are #1.

2. House Tyrell

The Tyrell’s are backing the right horse at the moment, or lion as the case may be.  It is also not so subtly hinted that the Lannister’s know they’d be screwed at present if it weren’t for Sir Loras and Lady Margaery’s desire to see Stannis Baratheon drawn and quartered.  I have this feeling they’ll be in the top spot before long.

3. House Stark

For now, the Young Wolf is still winning.  Soon enough, he’ll have a pissed-off river troll coming after him, realize his home has been burned by pirates (because hey, what else would you call Iron Islanders?), and he now has to face the combined strength of Casterly Rock and Highgarden.  If Jon Snow weren’t doing his best James Bond impression up north, the Starks would be much lower on this list.

4. House Targaryen

The Old Dynasty had a good week for what it’s worth, with the re-appearance of Barristan the Bold and (finally) a boat.  Daenerys has a lot of learning to do still, but at least she will never be short on barbeque fish.

5. The Free People

The Wildlings have two things going for them: the know about the Others and they have giants.  On the the other hand, they’re freezing their butts off and they just let Jon Snow walk in the door.

6. The Night’s Watch

Well, at least they’re heading back to the Wall.

7. House Greyjoy

Good news, Winterfell lies in ruins.  Bad news, everything else.  At least we didn’t have to put up with Theon this week.

8. House Baratheon

Stannis has decided that it makes more sense to burn infidels at the stake with his crazy-ass sorceress than try to rebound from his defeat at King’s Landing.  Because fire – that’s a solution to everything.

Also receiving votes: House Tully, The Fabulous Order of Littlefinger’s Ho’s, The Unsullied, and those guys dumping crap out their windows.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

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